Shit Happens

I've been through things that are waaaay shittier than this. Things that actually made me cry, things that made me feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit, things that made me won't let go of my mom.

Four months of 2016 and I feel like this year is going to get worse. Oh wait, maybe all these shitty things happened because I already labeled the year that way.

Anyway, if I had more time I would be glad to tell about one of the shittiest thing that happened to me. Here's a hint, it's about my hair. 

Well I have other issues too, but I'm not gonna talk about it here. 

I turned 20 this year, it's been exactly a month since my birthday. Is it me or the universe is really trying to make me change the way I deal with my problems, and dealing with shitty people?

This is so different. I am more patient, I can control myself, I can hide my emotional self. This is amazing.

On the other hand, I'm being an asshole myself. Wow being an asshole feels great.

The Limit

"So, any plans of what you're gonna do in the future?"

"Err.."

"You're definitely gonna work in the field of Public Relations," Wana said in excitement,

"Yeah I hope so"

"What is it Dil?"

"Nothing Wan, I'm just, tired of everything." I stared at the dark alleys that Wana and I walked "I need a break."

There was a long pause. Then I realized that I need to elaborate.

"You know, " I started, "I haven't have a break since the first day I entered the university."

Wana immediately knew what I was talking about.

"Well," She struggled on how she should arrange the words, "You said you were testing your limits, see what you can do, what you're capable of?"

Her words hit me back to reality.

The reality. The reality constantly haunts me of my responsibilities, the things that I have agreed to do, the promises that I make to make things better. I am procrastinating, I am avoiding my duties, I am avoiding human beings.

I didn't signed up for all this. They choose me and I promised to not letting them down. I don't like letting people down. I always do as I was told, I'm a professional, a workaholic, I love being busy.

Oh wait, I'm just too dumb to say "no".

Anyway, 

I guess I finally hit my limits.

I just want days at home where I can do nothing. I wanna get bored. I wanna finish a whole season of a TV show in a day. I wanna snuggle in bed and just enjoy my soft sheets. I wanna enjoy evening meatballs. I wanna order pizzas and eat it all by myself.  I wanna read books. I wanna write a book. I wanna play with cats who visited my house for food. I want more time at home.

I just can't do things. My brain seems to need more time to process simple information. I am physically and mentally tired. Exhausted. Oh and all my busy schedules also requires me to spend more. I am broke

I'm sleepy and I need more sleep. 

I'm going to bed now, it's almost midnight. Gotta wake up at 4am and go to uni at 5 for a seminar.

Good night then.